I am not a talk show host.  I am not a celebrity or a reality star.  I’ve never been on Leno or Letterman.   I am real, and I am a housewife, but not a Real Housewife.  Do you get what I’m saying?  I am nobody.  Well, of course, I am not nobody.  I am somebody.  I must be.  You’re reading this blog, right?  Maybe you’re reading it on an IPad or a Kindle or some sort of e-reader.  I love my Kindle.  Actually, I would prefer that you were reading this in hardback or paperback book form.  On a crowded airplane, in a middle seat.  Then your seatmates would ask what you’re reading.  And you could tell them, thereby spreading the news that this book is really good and really funny.  I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey yet.  But, I can tell you, when I do, I will be reading that on my Kindle, because you don’t want to share with anyone that you’re reading it.  It might be awkward, unless of course, your seatmate is really hot, and you’re single.  

You get the picture.

So if I’m not a talk show host, a supermodel, a politician, a doctor, a Kardashian, a scientist, a nutritionist, a vet, a plumber, a baker, a tribute, Beyoncé, a pilot, a first lady, a UPS driver, a juggler, an Oscar winner, a knitter, a bridge player, who am I?  I am somebody.  And guess what, gentle reader? (I want to make sure that got into my first blog), I am a lot like you.   We do great and awesome things.  

I am really nobody, but I am totally somebody.  I am a 50-year old woman, who always wanted to write a book.  I never thought I could.  I was born in 1961, in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  I have lived in Minnesota my entire life.  I have been married 26 years to my best friend, Kevin.  I have two daughters, Jacey and Madison.  More on family stuff later.  My point is I have not been on the cover of People Magazine, although it’s on my bucket list.   I can’t think of any life event that would land me on the cover, but it would be cool. 

So what’s the blog about?  What’s in it for you?  I hope that it makes you laugh.  Maybe it will make you cry.  Don't worry.  When things get super sad, some aspect of the situation always ends up being kinda funny.  Again, I am a lot like you.  Our lives are radically different, I get it.  But we are both human beings, right?    And, I have it all figured out.  The answer to life, that is.  Really!  Seriously!.  You’ll get the answer soon.  My future blogs of random stories will shed the light.  Wow.  The crazy thing it is so damn simple.  So just stop reading for a moment.  You would slide a bookmark in, if this was a book.  Or simply turn off your e-reader.  Lean back in your chair. (I doubt you are standing while you’re reading this.  If you are, that’s pretty cool.  You must be on a crowded train or something).  Okay, so back to leaning back in your chair…..close your eyes, take a deep breath, pretend to  hold a book to your heart and say “I’ve got all the answers right here.”  If your dog suddenly lifts his head and looks at you, or your seatmate turns to you and says “Huh?,” say “Yeah, I’ve got all the answers right here.”  Tap your laptop or e-reader with your index finger, and nod knowingly. 

Wink if you’re feeling particularly confident. 

Before I get started, because this is my first blog, I want to get right to the part where you thank people.  Of course, at this point, I can’t thank my editor and publisher, because I don’t have one.  I am just sitting on a stool at my kitchen counter with my laptop clicking away.  I wonder if I will ever finish this?   Anyway, I am not thanking anyone in any particular order.  I want to thank Kevin for buying me this sweet laptop.  I want to thank my sister Wendy, because she always said I could and should write a book.  I want to thank my sister, Karen, because she is my great pal. Of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank my daughter Jacey.  She just took a quick read through this, and groused because I didn’t thank her in the initial pass.  So here you go, Jacey.  You bring so much silly joy into my world.   I would also like to thank everyone else I have encountered in my life.  You are the little squares of cloth that make up the quilt that is me.  You know who you are.  And I thank you for being you.